The first day of internship, my heart was in the stage of calmness. I felt grateful and happy as there will be more of my friends from IIUM doing the internship there too. My friends and I received a very warm welcoming from the principal, teachers and students. Students will greet us wherever they meet us and show a mutual respect to all teachers. My heart feel touched to see all of these. There is a day I feel so glad and happy to see the school students with nice school uniform and the school prefects will put blazers on their uniforms and they absolutely look astonishing. It reminds me some of the sweet moments in my high school and I feel the feeling of missing them. The most interesting part for me is when a Form One male student asked me politely about something. I really love the way he show the mutual respect towards teachers. If it is not too much, I will say that this student is one of the factors that encourage me to wake up early in the morning and go to school. Besides that, some of the good response from students while I was doing relief class and active participation from them while I was conducting classroom guidance activities are another factors increase my interest to be in school. Apart from that, I just found that interacts with those school students is very interesting and fun because of their childish minds and behaviours. To see all this young girls and boys study make my heart feel touch to help them become the better people in the future. After the first few weeks in the school, I would like to say that “I am okay and doing well so far”. There is only on the second day of internship where I feel very stress because unable to control the class. Every time I feel stress, I will immediately tell my friends about it and we share our feelings among each other. When seeing my other friends also face and feel almost the same thing, I feel better because I am not the only one face it on this world. I keep learning every day about how to make my day become better. I put less expectation, knowing my limits and not blaming myself for the things I was unable to do such as controlling the classroom with a lot of naughty students. I told myself that there is the thing I can do and there is a thing I cannot do. For the things I cannot do such as unable to control the classroom and control the disrespectful students, I just ignore them. It is not because I am giving up but because I know it is beyond my capability. To add, some of the students act disrespectful towards practical teachers because they know we do not have the absolute power to punish them and this make them less afraid of practical and beginner teachers.
One day, while climbing on the stair in the school, suddenly my mind thought about something, “Why do not I replace the bitter moments I have been through before with better and sweetest moment in my life? I think I have been given an opportunity to fix the broken part and darkness of my life. Allah Knows Best. He sends me back to the high school not to torture me, not to put a big stone on me or make me feel burden, but Allah give me a chance to enjoy the moment in the high school that I have not experience before. Thank You Allah for make me realize about this. Alhamdulillah! Before this, during my practicum, I said that I want to terminate my scholarship contract and run away because I do not want to finish the 5 years contract of working at school setting. I have planned to apply for another works as long as not in the school setting. I am glad and grateful that I am not doing such a thing. I learn many things during pre practicum in term of controlling the class, make an effective counselling session and interact with school administration. All of these were very useful and I have applied them for my internship right now. There are still things that I have to improve in term of make an effective counselling session and classroom management. To my own surprise, I would like to admit that I am fall in love with the school environment now and because of that I make a decision to stay in the school setting. I want to work as a good teacher and helpful counsellor for the school students.
